![]() Because I can almost guarantee they won’t hear it anywhere else. That is what I want my parents of “difficult children” to hear from me. Yes, their child is causing disruption in the school and classroom, but they are still loved, safe, and wanted. I want to relieve them of their burden and of their need to defend and fire back, not give them another reason to reload. So instead of getting defensive, of being in any way judgmental toward a parent who comes into my office guns blazing in defense of their “difficult child,” I want to be patient and understanding. “If I don’t defend him,” I have heard my wife say on more than one occasion, “If I don’t protect and support him - if I don’t love the hell out of him - who will?” And at times, they are ready to fight back. They have seen their child picked on, overlooked, and stigmatized - even by his or her surrounding family! And they are tired of it. Recently, however, I have been reminded that the parents of a “difficult child” are not difficult, they are protectors. And if I’m really honest, on more than one occasion, it has even caused me to think, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Which is terrible. At times, and perhaps more often than I would like to admit, as an educator, this has irritated me (“Can’t they see I’m here to help!"). I can confidently say that by and large, difficult children have defensive mothers. And it is my job to not only see that, but to celebrate it, loudly and sincerely. ![]() So although I need to talk with them about the situation at hand or the plan moving forward, spending a great deal of time talking about their child’s strengths, their gifts, and their talents is imperative! Moms of difficult children hear often why their child is difficult. They, more than anyone, understand the difficulty of their child - they live with them, after all. Not only is she the one who has to field the many-times-asked question, “Is something wrong with your son?”, she also has to endure the knowledge that he wasn’t invited to this birthday party, that swimming lesson, or that overnight party because “he’s just too hard.” She has to protect him, from the hurt that surrounds him and from the unfair - or at least incomplete - perception of those who know him, including family.Īfter the most recent event, where my wife called me crying in frustration, fear, and hurt - for my son and for herself - a few things crystalized, and I thought I’d share them here, with you.Īs an educator, whenever I call a parent into my office or classroom to discuss their “difficult child,” I must remember that whatever it is I have to say is not new information to them. Most of the time he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it largely because he isn’t aware of it. And just like me, this means he isn’t invited to certain events or allowed to play with particular toys. He too is rough, has “big emotions” as we say, and has difficulty filtering his thoughts and ideas. I would notice that I wasn’t invited to certain events or not allowed in people’s homes or backyards, but it didn’t really bother me because, well, there were forts to build, bb-guns to shoot, and ponds to play in. ![]() ![]() Yet, most of the time, I was unaware of my difficulty. My siblings simply named me “the animal.” My grandfather used to say that when I walked into a room, things would explode. I had a temper, was rambunctious, and rough. Being the parent of the difficult child is even harder.
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